A much needed break

I sit here by the pool, beer in hand, E in the pool with glass of wine, watching the sun go down. About 25 degrees outside. We both flew out to Cyprus yesterday evening. Arrived at Paphos airport, sped through passport control, eventually found our car hire office (5km offsite via shuttle bus), then hit … Continue reading A much needed break

The aftermath of the second (fertility) opinion

Last week, our third IUI sadly failed. As mentioned previously, E felt like she might want to try more IUI cycles, whereas due to the low success rate, I felt that IVF was a better option, but I felt it wasn't my place to tell her to GO IVF as it was her not me … Continue reading The aftermath of the second (fertility) opinion


woman waiting

Today was really rough. I found out 2 of my friends are expecting. Really?! 2 in one day?!! As hard as I try, I just cannot feel happy for them! I feel pissed. Pissed that it happens to everyone else around us so easily. Pissed that I even have this dream in my heart of being a mother. Pissed that life can be so unfair and cruel. I am hurting so badly that I can’t even cry. The tears don’t come out. Usually I have a good cry-fest when someone announces a pregnancy but not tonight. It is a pain too deep and yet so familiar and surreal. It’s almost like this isn’t my life. It can’t be. I have dreamt and imagined having children since I can remember. Yet this is my cruel reality. How much longer will my heart be filled with doubt? How much longer will I…

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